sometimes quiet is violent

Something doesn't feel right about this moment and I cannot seem to figure it out. I was ready to go to bed but I think my thoughts got a bit jumbled and I find my mind unable to concentrate on a single train of thought long enough to let it fade into slumber. My blanket feels wrong and I cannot settle, and so, I'm clinging onto my last hope in achieving some level of concentration and calm. I fear shame. I fear being shamed. I fear being wrong so much that I often gauge other peoples reactions and opinions and then  decide on my stance. This doesn't go for political or social views, those are important enough for me to look at how I personally want to support particular causes because of my experiences. I'm talking about things like movies and books and music. I think my fear of being shamed for liking specific things stems from my need of acceptance. I was bullied at school (now's not really the time for that sob story), and though I've never wanted to "

Since this is my blog, and my way of expressing my thoughts, I thought I’d give myself the freedom to write about what I actually want to write about. Today that something is books. I’ve chosen my favourite books that are written by women who are accomplished in the fields that I feel I’d like to work in e.g. journalism and the entertainment industry. I’ve already written a piece on literary canon vs. young adult literature and I’m not going to re-iterate my point any further than just saying that these books are ones that I have discovered within the past few years, and ones that I currently hold close to my heart, my “classics”. There’ll be no Harry Potter or Eragon on this list, as this is my attempt at introducing some of my favourites that are not totally guessable. I’m pretty sure me hyping the Harry Potter books on this blog would be like going around telling people the sky is blue. We are all aware they are good books, just like the sky is blue and grass is green. Now enjo

A bunch of people have heard me say that this month, and I felt now was the time to explain what exactly I mean by "I'm vegan this month." At the end of September I watched a documentary called Cowspiracy, which is a documentary about how animal agriculture is by far the largest cause of global warming. It was an eye-opening experience not just because it told me a lot of things I hadn't been aware of, but also because of the way it approached the issue. Instead of going the route that I've most seen, which is the "look at these poor animals they are suffering"-route, Cowspiracy showed how animal agriculture itself as a series of processes is harmful to nature. Everything from how much water it takes to produce a pound of ground beef and how much rainforest land is destroyed to make more crops for cows to eat, all of it was from the point of view of the technical harm it causes the planet. It was a perspective I'd never thought of. I wrote a Face

Hi everyone! During the last few weeks between my latest blog post and this one, a whole number of things have changed in my life. I've moved to another country (!), moved into student accommodation, bought myself a whole lot of dishes and cooking supplies, learned what a pain it is when your fridge doesn't work and your milk goes bad, and probably most importantly of all I've met a lot of new people. In my last post I wrote about the awful limbo I felt I was stuck in. Right now, writing this in my bed (though feeling a bit ill), I feel like the limbo was worth it. Having nothing to do for a month was just preparing me for having EVERYTHING to do in one week. There are so many people to meet, so many TV-shows and movies to talk about, so many people from other countries teaching me the naughty words in their native language. I'm so thankful to everyone who has come up and talked to me, or even just answered when I've said something to them. The good thing about

Hi everyone! I'm currently stuck in the most horrible limbo of all, and that is the limbo of having no job, no place to study, and nothing to do! My flight to Scotland is on the 4th of September, and so until then I have the entirety of August absolutely free. Most of this month has gone by already, thank goodness, but I still have about two weeks left. I don't mean that I'm somehow too eager to go because I don't like anyone here anymore, definitely not! I just hate being in that liminal place where I'm not really doing anything with a purpose and am mostly just wasting time at home. Something as exciting as moving to another country is really difficult to wait patiently for. Anyway, as some of you might know, I got a tattoo about three weeks ago. It was a gift from my dear friend, and I'm still absolutely in love with it. As many people have already asked me about the meaning of it, I figured I might as well write a post about it since its not that easy of

When I said "okay" to getting a drivers license nearly 10 months ago I did so begrudgingly after being worn down by my father. I had heard so many reasons to get one I thought I guess I should, to get it over with. Driving was something I kind of wanted to know how to do but it still scared me. The next 7 months were the most nerve wracking of my life. The first three weeks of my dad teaching me to drive was me stalling the car and crying 'cause I was afraid and didn't know how to do it. We progressed and I was "good enough" to drive on the actual road with other cars. This was also done with tears in my eyes. The most horrible of all my experiences in the car was when my dad accidentally gave me directions to the wrong road and I ended up driving on the highway before I was ready. I have never been so angry, crying while trying to survive at 120km/h ON THE HIGHWAY. Terrifying. Slowly the tears stopped and I could drive without going into hysterics, ju

I'm being really honest right now. I know I pride myself in being a feminist and I firmly believe in lifting up female excellence. But I've had to face the fact, in the last year or so, that I have internalized misogyny that I've been carrying for a while now. I don't condone hate, and I don't want people to think I'm without fault and without flawed thinking while I go around feeling this way about other girls. So I wanted to write something about it. This is a complex issue, and I'm still not quite sure how to express the thoughts I have. I have found myself disliking other girls, and not just in the past. I don't know what it is, that particularly annoys me about other girls. I don't want to use the word " other " as somehow setting me apart from the female population. I just mean girls that are girly, as opposed to how I see myself (more of a floater in between). I know that I don't feel this towards boys. This is most likely beca

I have over 6 half written posts stuck in the drafts-section of this blog because I cannot seem to finish anything. Everything I try to write, I just leave unfinished because I don't think anyone will want to read it, and that its boring and I should just stop trying. I hate feeling like I have no direction with what I'm creating and thats why I'm sorry I've been quiet for a while. I don't really know what to say. I have a lot of topics I've been trying to tackle. Anxiety, self-reflection, getting my driving license, leaving to study in another country, but the time doesn't feel right for any of those things. So instead I'm just gonna do what I do best, and that is complain. Enjoy my rage. Firstly. As you know, the US Supreme Court passed the marriage equality law a few days ago. As a result of this, and a result of Pride being a few days after this momentous occasion, and because the world apparently does revolve around America, Facebook created som

Y'all 12-year olds are probably giggling at the word intimacy but really it just means closeness so hah joke's on you this post isn't about sex. Something I've noticed in myself recently (or like, in the last year or so) is that I've very much begun liking to be close to people. This depends HIGHLY on the person and my level of comfort (in a physical sense) with them, but still, I've noticed I really enjoy being close. Even if I'm otherwise really close to you, I might not be fully comfortable hugging and being otherwise close to you and that does not make our friendship any less worthy, it just has a lot to do with my personal comfort and feelings. I rarely hug my best friend and we're still incredibly close on other levels so its not like physical closeness is the only way to have a meaningful friendship or relationship with someone. Anyway, I'm all for casual closeness. Like, if we're sitting on the couch together, I like to be either righ