sometimes quiet is violent

So, long time no see. I had an intense summer serving breakfast lunch and dinner to Italian summer school kids, and showing people to their seats at Edinburgh Castle. I worked so much this summer that after my last shift in August I spent a week and a half going out and doing things every day in a row to make up for the not-summer that I had, which, if you know me, is not my style. I'm very much a "give me a few days to recuperate after an outing" kind of person. But, today's post is actually not about my work experiences, but about more positive things! The last post I wrote on this blog was quite sad, and I'm happy to say I've gotten a lot better from then on. I've noticed some things in myself that have led me to be quite happy right now, and I want to share, lest this blog always be about me being pissed off or sad or anxious. Lately, I've found myself engaging (mainly online, but also in person) with people in a way that I couldn't have be

The past three months have been an uphill journey. Even writing that sentence makes me doubt myself and whether or not I'm over-exaggerating things. But, looking back I can tell that something changed and it's still not better. I've been tired, to the level of having to nap 2 hours daily besides 9+ hours of sleep at night. I've been anxious, something I usually only am for big things, and find myself retreating into my mind during social gatherings. I lack concentration, motivation, the energy to interact with content previously found interesting. I find myself often feeling sad, feeling hopeless, feeling irritable. Day by day these things have piled up. Any bad news I hear, no matter how small, makes me choke up, the heavy feeling of impending tears stuck in my throat. I have to force myself to go to social events because I know once I get there I will space out for half the time and struggle talking to others for the other half. The point of small talk has eluded

Hello, yes I am back and yes I revamped the blog a bit. These are both due largely to the fact that I have been ill with the flu (complete with fever, nausea, headaches and the feeling like I've been exercising for the past 24 hours straight judging by the muscle pain) for the past week and so I have gathered enough annoyance with the world to bless you once again with a piece of writing. This time, I'm gonna do a good old complainy-post, because this something has been bothering me for the last eight months and I've ranted about it to my flatmates enough times to warrant writing about it on here. So, I've been a "full-time vegan" since May last year and so, with these sweet 11-months behind me I think I'm allowed to make some complaints about our community. That is, the 'vegan community' whatever you take that to mean. Mainly these annoyances have risen from being a part of a number of vegan-groups on Facebook and realising that there are peop

"You must allow yourself to outgrow and depart from certain eras of your life with a gentle sort of ruthlessness." I saw this quote today, from a book by Katy Maxwell, and it brought up some things I have been thinking about for a while. These thoughts are mostly about letting go of people, and simultaneously letting go of that 'version' of you that you try to cling on to and pretend to be when you interact with these people. Discussions about letting go of people in your life that may be harmful to you in some way or another are often made to be more serious than they should be. Words like "toxic" and "cutting people out" are thrown around and it makes it seem like only people who are actively abusive towards you, be it emotionally or physically, "deserve" to be cut out of your life, whatever that might mean. This is insinuating that something extreme has to happen in my relationships for me to have the right to "cut them out&q