Body image
I've been discussing this topic with a few friends the past couple of days so I thought I might as well write about it. Unfortunately I do not know how this goes among guys, but the experience I have of self-hate, specifically hating your own body or parts of it, comes from my times talking with girls. So I'll share my experience, feel free to comment if you have any disagreements/experiences that might be useful.
It has become almost acceptable, at least among girls I know, to hate or strongly dislike a part of your body and say it out loud. Conversations are formed around "I hate my thighs so much" and instead of going "hey I like your thighs" the answer often is "yeah but have you seen my knees, they are so much worse". We compare ourselves to others, try to hate more, to be more discontent. That's really odd.
I don't think about my friends' bodies when I dislike parts of my own. I don't think about the sizes of their hips or their stomachs or their bra-sizes (which I rarely even know, not enough sleepovers?), I only think of myself. In any instance of self-hate, all that hate is from comparing myself to the pictures given by the media, or the mannequins at the store, or some larger source I've received my "perfect body"-image from.
A lot of us probably don't realize that when we voice our self-hate to our friends, they might feel even worse about themselves. Me saying I hate my thighs might make a bigger-thighed friend feel worse about themselves because they think that my hate is connected to their body. This is toxic. Its important to share your insecurities so that your friends can help you get over them or feel better about yourself, but for some people hearing you actively hate a part of your body that they also feel bad about might lead them to believe you hate it about them too. You don't want to accidentally make your friends think you hate their bodies.
Pride seems to be such an issue among young girls these days. If someone compliments you, the immediate response is to put yourself down or go "Well its not that nice but thanks". Agreeing with a compliment earns you the label of "prideful" which turns to "vain" and "self-centered". Its very possible to have an unhealthy amount of pride yes, but that is rarely the case among teenage girls. They're being told all the time that you should love yourself, but not too much lest people think you are too proud of yourself.
It takes a lot to be TOO proud of yourself. I'd say that when you stop recognizing your own mistakes, you have too much pride. If swallowing your pride to be a friend or do a good thing is too much for you, you have too much pride. But really, young girls shouldn't worry at all about being too prideful. I'd love it if there were articles like "learn how to accept a compliment" in the next Seventeen Magazine, or stuff about how to build up your friends without tearing down other body-types.
There's a lot of "love your body"- stuff in girls magazines already, yes, the body-positive movement is growing, but its so ironic that these self-love guides are squeezed between ads and pictures of photoshopped girls that all fit the same mold, the mold that the average teenage girl does not fit. I have a hard time believing that my body is perfect the way it is when there is a girl who looks like a Victoria's Secret model on the next page. We are not all from Gossip Girl, not all of us own a thigh-master and have 180cm of elegant height. Some of us are short and stumpy with big thighs and a questionable haircut.
Even the body-positive movement has had a lot of problems. Songs like Meghan Trainor's "All About That Bass" are praised as THE body positive anthems, while actually they contain words like "skinny bitches" and thus don't contribute to body-positivity, only to shaming other body types. Body-positive has been confused with "curve-positive". I have some beef with Trainor's song anyway; I dislike the idea of someone being proud of their body only because "boys like a little more booty to hold at night". Valuing yourself based on what someone else thinks is not healthy, and especially telling young girls that their attractiveness and value is based on what boys and men like is so harmful.
I am not writing this as some self-loving know-it-all who has found the key to living a happy life content with my body. Not at all. I'm trying to become better, I really am, but I often find myself thinking badly of myself even by accident. Comparing myself to other girls has become a habit.
My most regular self-hate thoughts are about my thighs, and how big they are. My family and friends have made me feel better about them, mostly because none of them seem to think that their size is an issue. I also regularly look at my clothes and hair and think how I'm not girly enough. Every "you're pretty" compliment is an absolute surprise, because I do not see myself as attractive to the opposite sex. In this way its very hypocritical of me to discuss the harmfulness of defining your value through others, because I define my femininity through what is attractive to boys, not what makes me feel "girly".
This post was more haphazard thoughts than any actual point, but I hope someone learned something. If not about self-hate then about how I feel about my thighs.
Thanks,
Becks
It has become almost acceptable, at least among girls I know, to hate or strongly dislike a part of your body and say it out loud. Conversations are formed around "I hate my thighs so much" and instead of going "hey I like your thighs" the answer often is "yeah but have you seen my knees, they are so much worse". We compare ourselves to others, try to hate more, to be more discontent. That's really odd.
I don't think about my friends' bodies when I dislike parts of my own. I don't think about the sizes of their hips or their stomachs or their bra-sizes (which I rarely even know, not enough sleepovers?), I only think of myself. In any instance of self-hate, all that hate is from comparing myself to the pictures given by the media, or the mannequins at the store, or some larger source I've received my "perfect body"-image from.
A lot of us probably don't realize that when we voice our self-hate to our friends, they might feel even worse about themselves. Me saying I hate my thighs might make a bigger-thighed friend feel worse about themselves because they think that my hate is connected to their body. This is toxic. Its important to share your insecurities so that your friends can help you get over them or feel better about yourself, but for some people hearing you actively hate a part of your body that they also feel bad about might lead them to believe you hate it about them too. You don't want to accidentally make your friends think you hate their bodies.
Pride seems to be such an issue among young girls these days. If someone compliments you, the immediate response is to put yourself down or go "Well its not that nice but thanks". Agreeing with a compliment earns you the label of "prideful" which turns to "vain" and "self-centered". Its very possible to have an unhealthy amount of pride yes, but that is rarely the case among teenage girls. They're being told all the time that you should love yourself, but not too much lest people think you are too proud of yourself.
It takes a lot to be TOO proud of yourself. I'd say that when you stop recognizing your own mistakes, you have too much pride. If swallowing your pride to be a friend or do a good thing is too much for you, you have too much pride. But really, young girls shouldn't worry at all about being too prideful. I'd love it if there were articles like "learn how to accept a compliment" in the next Seventeen Magazine, or stuff about how to build up your friends without tearing down other body-types.
There's a lot of "love your body"- stuff in girls magazines already, yes, the body-positive movement is growing, but its so ironic that these self-love guides are squeezed between ads and pictures of photoshopped girls that all fit the same mold, the mold that the average teenage girl does not fit. I have a hard time believing that my body is perfect the way it is when there is a girl who looks like a Victoria's Secret model on the next page. We are not all from Gossip Girl, not all of us own a thigh-master and have 180cm of elegant height. Some of us are short and stumpy with big thighs and a questionable haircut.
Even the body-positive movement has had a lot of problems. Songs like Meghan Trainor's "All About That Bass" are praised as THE body positive anthems, while actually they contain words like "skinny bitches" and thus don't contribute to body-positivity, only to shaming other body types. Body-positive has been confused with "curve-positive". I have some beef with Trainor's song anyway; I dislike the idea of someone being proud of their body only because "boys like a little more booty to hold at night". Valuing yourself based on what someone else thinks is not healthy, and especially telling young girls that their attractiveness and value is based on what boys and men like is so harmful.
I am not writing this as some self-loving know-it-all who has found the key to living a happy life content with my body. Not at all. I'm trying to become better, I really am, but I often find myself thinking badly of myself even by accident. Comparing myself to other girls has become a habit.
My most regular self-hate thoughts are about my thighs, and how big they are. My family and friends have made me feel better about them, mostly because none of them seem to think that their size is an issue. I also regularly look at my clothes and hair and think how I'm not girly enough. Every "you're pretty" compliment is an absolute surprise, because I do not see myself as attractive to the opposite sex. In this way its very hypocritical of me to discuss the harmfulness of defining your value through others, because I define my femininity through what is attractive to boys, not what makes me feel "girly".
This post was more haphazard thoughts than any actual point, but I hope someone learned something. If not about self-hate then about how I feel about my thighs.
Thanks,
Becks
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