sometimes quiet is violent

This summer feels very insignificant. I feel like I'm just floating around, going places and doing things and talking to people but my mind is somewhere completely different. I'm very much between two places and it's off-putting. I've been doing fun stuff, like having picnics and coffee and cooking yummy vegan food and learning the ukulele, but I've also been doing not so fun stuff like fighting and crying and wanting to go back to Scotland sooner than September. I foolishly didn't think that this summer would be that hard. Turns out not seeing the people you're used to seeing everyday kind of messes with your sense of loneliness. Not saying that my friends here back home aren't dear to me too, but having been gone for a year I'm more of a visiting guest now. I know I'll never be able to go back in time and experience the stuff they experienced together without me so I'm happy just going along and experiencing things with them now. That mon...

My dad asked me the other week what are some things I fear. My answer contained a lot of things, but one main one, that had also been a source of anxiety for both of my parents, was my future. I'm 18, doing my last year in high school and I need to be applying for universities soon. Like, by the 15th of January soon. I know my talents. At least I think I do. I can talk, write, make (sometimes) funny youtube videos, sew questionable costumes for conventions concerning popular culture, be loud and annoying. The list goes on. The problem here is, that I don't know which talents to pursue. My father has told me that he believes my talents lie in communications, that sewing and costume producing isn't really my best choice. A part of me wants to believe him, and a part of me questions how he knows me better than I know myself. Is that even possible? My current choices for universities have one thing in common. They are all outside of Finland. To me, the worst case scenario w...