sometimes quiet is violent

Before I start on this seemingly bitter and cynical rant about love and soul mates I need you to understand that I am not, in fact, either of those. Well, not completely. Hell, I'm 20-years old, barely dipping my feet in the pond of actual life, who am I to talk about love with any kind of authority whatsoever? So let it be known that I'm writing this post merely from the point of view of a young woman who has grown up in modern society, drank in the discourse surrounding love and relationships, and as someone who has never been in love. There's a specific set of ideologies and thoughts surrounding the idea of soul mates. Usually these revolve around there being one soul, or person, out there for you, and that you are meant to be together, and that cosmic forces have determined this. Take for example the story Plato tells, where Zeus in his anger split up us humans into two pieces, condemning us to spend our lives searching for that other half that would complete us (usef...

I'm being really honest right now. I know I pride myself in being a feminist and I firmly believe in lifting up female excellence. But I've had to face the fact, in the last year or so, that I have internalized misogyny that I've been carrying for a while now. I don't condone hate, and I don't want people to think I'm without fault and without flawed thinking while I go around feeling this way about other girls. So I wanted to write something about it. This is a complex issue, and I'm still not quite sure how to express the thoughts I have. I have found myself disliking other girls, and not just in the past. I don't know what it is, that particularly annoys me about other girls. I don't want to use the word " other " as somehow setting me apart from the female population. I just mean girls that are girly, as opposed to how I see myself (more of a floater in between). I know that I don't feel this towards boys. This is most likely beca...

I have over 6 half written posts stuck in the drafts-section of this blog because I cannot seem to finish anything. Everything I try to write, I just leave unfinished because I don't think anyone will want to read it, and that its boring and I should just stop trying. I hate feeling like I have no direction with what I'm creating and thats why I'm sorry I've been quiet for a while. I don't really know what to say. I have a lot of topics I've been trying to tackle. Anxiety, self-reflection, getting my driving license, leaving to study in another country, but the time doesn't feel right for any of those things. So instead I'm just gonna do what I do best, and that is complain. Enjoy my rage. Firstly. As you know, the US Supreme Court passed the marriage equality law a few days ago. As a result of this, and a result of Pride being a few days after this momentous occasion, and because the world apparently does revolve around America, Facebook created som...

I've been discussing this topic with a few friends the past couple of days so I thought I might as well write about it. Unfortunately I do not know how this goes among guys, but the experience I have of self-hate, specifically hating your own body or parts of it, comes from my times talking with girls. So I'll share my experience, feel free to comment if you have any disagreements/experiences that might be useful. It has become almost acceptable, at least among girls I know, to hate or strongly dislike a part of your body and say it out loud. Conversations are formed around "I hate my thighs so much" and instead of going "hey I like your thighs" the answer often is "yeah but have you seen my knees, they are so much worse". We compare ourselves to others, try to hate more, to be more discontent. That's really odd. I don't think about my friends' bodies when I dislike parts of my own. I don't think about the sizes of their hips or...

There are often times where some website or person asks me what my favorite quote is. I tend to go with something by Vonnegut, mostly because his stuff is hilariously satirical. Or then I go with something funny, like a quote on running by the comedian Miranda Hart. But really, the quote that I feel most describes me is what Bruce Banner says in the Avengers right before turning into the Hulk: "That's my secret, I'm always angry" . Then he turns into a giant green rage monster and beats up the bad guys. Moving on, I decided to write about things I'm angry about. There is no happy ending, no silver lining, no "be positive" at the center of this post. Nope. Just about me and my anger. Maybe some self-reflection, but when is there not, right? I've heard that being angry makes you more angry, leaving you in a state of constant and perpetual anger. So lets start with the smaller things. I'm angry at the snow outside. I don't give a shit abou...

I like to think I'm pretty good at rejecting stereotypes. If there's something I hate more than boxes, its being stuffed into one. My family is used to this already, as my sister Jessica always adds to her sentences for me [for example: "When you get married Rebecca, not saying you   have   to get married or have kids but   IF   you get married... (etc.)] I dislike stereotypes a lot, yes, but ones I specifically hate are gender stereotypes. The idea that just because I'm a girl I need to like to wear make up and want a family and enjoy dancing around in dresses and watching Sex and the City. Or that just because you're a guy you're not allowed to cry, or be sensitive, or enjoy TV-shows that aren't about trucks or boxing. Really, gender stereotypes are tiring. There's no gender police out there, who gives a shit whether or not I wear a dress to my graduation? Whose business is it really? This is something I find hard to understand too, how someo...

I'm angry a lot. Not at everything (yet). But a lot of things. One of these things is girls who say shit like "I'm not a feminist." [If the word feminist makes you cringe and shiver I advise you to leave now] Really now? Equal rights, not your thing? I'm fine with you ceasing to vote really. Cover up your ankles though, and don't go to school, its for boys. Before talking about why girls might say they aren't feminists, I'm gonna start with explaining why I'm a feminist. I'm a feminist, because I'm sick of hearing stories of girls being sexualized at school. Teachers concentrating more on what girls are wearing than on teaching boys not to assault them. Boohoo, little Timmy can't concentrate in class because Anna is wearing shorts. Maybe Timmy should get a grip on his life. I'm a feminist because I believe that the victim of rape is never the guilty party. Because I'm tired of hearing "she should have worn a longer sk...

Hi. I really like movies. When I first meet someone new, and have to arrange a meeting, I usually ask if we could go to the movies. There's nothing more personal than seeing something so emotionally provoking together and then going through the after shocks/feelings together, discussing the movie and our opinions on it. I love hearing what other people think of movies I've watched, though only if the opinions are positive. I know I know, constructive criticism and all. But really, if I'm super happy about a movie, it does me no good to ask someone about it and then they piss all over my parade. That's no fun. Getting hyped about movies is something I do very well. At least in my own mind. The usual cycle of my excitement goes as follows: I hear about a movie through Tumblr, then wait around for the trailer while fawning over promotional images. When the trailer arrives I watch it,  once or twice or ten times, then go back to Tumblr and reblog every frame and scene a...

I took my rings off and everything to start writing this, like I'm some damn professional or something. This isn't getting to my head yet, this blog business, if that's what you think. I thought that today I'd write about music, if this blog is to be a catalogue of my opinions on everything. Its really difficult for me to understand why music makes me feel so much. I was cutting out halloween decorations with my friend the other day, and I put on a playlist on 8tracks (amazing playlist website +app, go use it now) that was tagged with "Lord of the Rings". I put on the list and as soon as the first song started playing I felt like I was back watching the movies. The heartbreaking parts and the happy parts and everything muddy in between, it made me so emotional listening to the soundtrack. No, I wasn't crying, I'm not that much of a nerd. But honestly, it made me yearn to see the movies again. Movie soundtracks are amazing, and motivating. But what ...

I don't know if you know this, but I read a lot. I read a lot (past tense). Fantasy, young adult, classic. All kinds of literature. And I don't really see how something can be more valuable that the other. People go around speaking of classic literature. J.D. Salinger, Charles Dickens, some other smart white dude. I know that these authors are respected and that their works are considered classics because they are good. They are well written and have gained merits over the years that allow for them to be inserted into the educations of people all around the world. If I'm reading a classic book I feel like holding it out for everyone to see. That I'm smart, educated. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed 1984 by George Orwell. But I didn't have to explain myself to anyone while reading it. But when I'm reading a piece of so called "young adult literature" (mostly aimed at girls of 13-17), I feel the need to constantly explain myself . I found my...

I know a lot of people will look at the link on my Facebook page leading to this blog, and this blog, like I'm some special snowflake teenager craving for attention. I certainly don't think of myself as "quirky" and "special" and "not like other girls" because those are harmful ways of thinking, but I can't confirm or deny the craving for attention bit. All I know is that my parents (especially my father) have been telling me for the past three weeks that I'm "good at communication" and writing apparently is one way of doing this. I know there aren't many who read my (sometimes pointless) Facebook rants about bicycles and gender equality and proper movie going etiquette, so I doubt many of you will be at all interested in what I have to say about anything really. But I'm going to try and write things here anyway, if only to look back at them in a year and laugh at myself and at how little I knew of my future and the worl...