Gender: "non-committal hand gesture"

I like to think I'm pretty good at rejecting stereotypes. If there's something I hate more than boxes, its being stuffed into one. My family is used to this already, as my sister Jessica always adds to her sentences for me [for example: "When you get married Rebecca, not saying you have to get married or have kids but IF you get married... (etc.)]

I dislike stereotypes a lot, yes, but ones I specifically hate are gender stereotypes. The idea that just because I'm a girl I need to like to wear make up and want a family and enjoy dancing around in dresses and watching Sex and the City. Or that just because you're a guy you're not allowed to cry, or be sensitive, or enjoy TV-shows that aren't about trucks or boxing. Really, gender stereotypes are tiring. There's no gender police out there, who gives a shit whether or not I wear a dress to my graduation? Whose business is it really?

This is something I find hard to understand too, how someone's gender is everyone else's business. I've frequently been asked the question "are you a boy or a girl?". Why are you asking me this? Will my answer help you move on with your life in any way? Or is it just curiosity? I feel like my answer will only help you put me in a box, and that's not what I want. I don't understand how it will affect your life, knowing my gender.

I don't know how many people believe this, but I am of the opinion that sex and gender are different things. A quick wikipedia search reveals a definition:

“The distinction between sex and gender differentiates sex, the biological makeup of an individual's reproductive anatomy or secondary sex characteristics from gender, an individual's lifestyle (often culturally learned) or personal identification of one's own gender (gender identity).”

Despite there being a difference, most people use these two words interchangeably. Just because biologically someone is a girl doesn't mean they have to identify as a girl. Maybe they don't feel comfortable doing a lot of things girls do, or feel out of place with their physical attributes. I feel like these are valid thoughts for someone to have and they should be allowed and encouraged to express themselves in the way they are most comfortable.

I don't have a "problem" with my femininity. I don't understand what sort of balance there should be within every individual that traditional people would see as healthy and good. Isn't it really boring, thinking everyone has to be the same? I don't really enjoy the idea of a binary either. The options "male" and "female" have started to make me feel a sort of silent panic. Are those my only options? What if I like floating in between? Yes, I understand that doctors need to know my sex, that is understandable otherwise they would not be able to give me the correct treatment. But when its a profile online for something totally arbitrary, I feel like by clicking either option I'm limiting myself too much. I change, my feelings change, and I can't commit to the fact that I'll always be comfortable being referred to as a girl (this doesn't mean I want to be a boy either). 

Most people probably don't understand this struggle. You're perfectly fine identifying how you are, and thats great. But for a surprising amount of people in this world its not as simple. And I fully support people being able to identify how they want to, doing what they can to be comfortable in their bodies. This is why it doesn't take much for me to start disliking someone; one poorly thought out transgender joke or slur and your points in my mind rapidly decrease. There's nothing funny about people who have been born in the wrong body. Nothing.

So yeah, I feel like I want to wear a suit to my graduation. Not because I'm rejecting all of my femininity because I want to rebel against the system and my parents. Because I feel like I look nicer, and feel better, when I'm wearing a suit. Yeah, I wear dresses sometimes. I'm neither anti-dress nor pro-dress. I'm pro- choosing when I want to wear them.

If "non-committal hand gesture" was an option between "male" and "female" I'd be glad to click it. I don't know if this is eye-opening for people, I do know that many take it for granted that everyone is totally secure in their masculinity/femininity, and that some believe all girls who dress like "guys" are lesbians. That's frankly really close-minded. 

I hate that, by the way, the way clothes are either "girls clothes" or "guy's clothes". They're just clothes, I don't understand why t-shirts need to be divided by gender. Its furthering the idea of a strict binary, they're just clothes. Same with unnecessarily gendered products. Like "Men's tea" and "Women's tea". Or manly yoghurt for men, because apparently you can't be secure in your masculinity and eat yoghurt (who knew?). Why do we need to divide everything according to gender? I don't understand who benefits from this, confusing people even more about what is feminine and what is masculine. Some stores are however getting rid of male and female sections, which is a very positive change in the right direction. I'm glad that at least some people are getting the message. I'm also glad to have noticed in my circle of friends that not everyone is opposed to wearing clothes of the "opposite" sex (yay you, ignoring the norms). 

I am aware of people's beliefs. I know people from specific religious backgrounds don't agree with me, because in most religions identity is tied with the God or Gods of the religion. But this is a decision and opinion I have come to myself, and it does not in any way represent what my family or my friends might think. This is a conclusion I myself have thought about for a long time, and I'm not saying it because its "fashionable" to be on the side of the oppressed. I'm saying it because frankly I don't see any reason why I should discriminate against these kinds of people or try to "fix" them. 

This is pretty ramble-y, I apologize for that. Its hard for me to form a coherent piece of writing on something I have so much to say about. I hope you learned and/or enjoyed though. I believe in advocating open mindedness. And I don't mean this in a "slippery slope" way in which I accept people marrying their dogs, no. I mean it in a "I don't want to piss on anyone's parade"-kind of way. I like my opinions, but I don't feel the urge to stuff them down anyones throat (unless they are human rights issues *cough cough*), so I don't see why open mindedness would be a bad thing.

I don't really know the purpose of this blog yet, other than feeding my ego and getting my thoughts out, but I hope that it can be helpful in making people more informed and open minded? I know one blog post by a teenager won't change anyone's mind but I can only try. 

- Becks

(P.S. Thank you to my friends who read this and helped me fix it before I published it. You guys made me feel a lot more confident!)