on being (painfully) single
Ayy whats up. Today I'm writing about something that most of us have definitely been in contact with. That is, the pressure of being in a relationship (or pressure of not being in one).
I know that depending on the person and the home they've grown in, your view of relationships can be very different. Christian homes generally raise kids that focus on finding one person to spend the rest of their life with. Often these kids get engaged at a young age, having found their partner in life at a local church or youth meeting. That's perfectly fine, good for you. (I will have you know this is a very generalized view based on the amounts of people like this I have seen going this route). Kids from "normal" homes have the same view on dating as the rest of the world, I'd think. You look around, date a person/bunch of people and when you find the one you want to spend the rest of your life with you (maybe) marry them. This is all fine and great and I'm in no place to start dictating how other people live their lives.
But what if you can't find anyone? Or rather, don't want to find anyone? I personally often state myself as being painfully single, partly for the comedic effect and partly just for the fact that I am 18 and have never been in a serious relationship and I acknowledge that it is very painful at times (I'm not counting the two week fling I had with a classmate when I was 12, I barely talked to him and it was embarrassing for both of us). I mean, I don't know really what I'm missing, so its mostly fine. My parents are not encouraging or pressuring me to find someone (quite the opposite I find sometimes), but I do know that in some families the kids are regularly asked about when they are going to get a girlfriend/boyfriend. Living under this kind of pressure would be very unpleasant, I'd think, especially if you aren't interested in finding someone.
I personally know a few people who identify as aromantic. You can google that if you want a more detailed explanation, but basically it means that you don't experience romantic attraction to people. No crushes, nothing like that. These people, and they are people, have no interest in relationships like this. It doesn't mean that they can't form meaningful platonic relationships and deep friendships with people, quite the opposite. Just imagine, not ever having a crush on anyone, and yet the whole world has been telling you for your entire life that you have to. That is perfectly normal and to not have a crush means there must be something wrong with you. How often do young adult books end in a platonic friendship? A very large part of songs are centered around love, and often many people view finding someone to spend the rest of your life with as the central goal and meaning of life.
Imagine all that, and then feeling like you're wrong. Like you don't belong. Is there some rule about everyone having to have romantic interest in other people? Can this world really not accept the fact that not all people want to be in relationships, that some people are uncomfortable with that kind of closeness or do not desire it at all. I don't understand why people want to push these kinds of relationships on people who are just not interested.
This is in no way my confession or identification as aromantic. I am still very much open to the possibility of a relationship. Sure, they will have to deal with my anger at mundane things like garbage everywhere and at big things like misogyny, my mood swings and general opinionatedness. Also the fact that I eat CONSTANTLY and loudly. Really, as much as I complain to my friends about being a miserable pissbaby (official nickname) and painfully single, I can manage, like, I'm in no real hurry, (close friends may disagree with this, Imight complain to them about being single sometimes) I rather find someone I really like instead of dating someone just for the sake of dating.
I definitely do feel a mix of jealousy and disgust at couples openly licking each others faces off in public. Like, gosh, do you have to be so, OBVIOUS. Also, hand holding especially in the winter season. Stop being happy around me I'm trying to pretend I'm "happy and single".
No but really, don't feel pressured to do anything concerning relationships. Go with your own pace, and if you don't want one at all then good for you, you have more time to invest in platonic relationships and hobbies and things that will last longer. And you won't be stuck with stupid icky feelings and ugly breakups.
Its quite funny, I am aware, that I of all people am writing this blog post. I do hope you learned something though, probably not about relationships but maybe about aromanticism. I hope my bitter "alone for the rest of my life" vibe didn't seep in too much.
-Becks
I know that depending on the person and the home they've grown in, your view of relationships can be very different. Christian homes generally raise kids that focus on finding one person to spend the rest of their life with. Often these kids get engaged at a young age, having found their partner in life at a local church or youth meeting. That's perfectly fine, good for you. (I will have you know this is a very generalized view based on the amounts of people like this I have seen going this route). Kids from "normal" homes have the same view on dating as the rest of the world, I'd think. You look around, date a person/bunch of people and when you find the one you want to spend the rest of your life with you (maybe) marry them. This is all fine and great and I'm in no place to start dictating how other people live their lives.
But what if you can't find anyone? Or rather, don't want to find anyone? I personally often state myself as being painfully single, partly for the comedic effect and partly just for the fact that I am 18 and have never been in a serious relationship and I acknowledge that it is very painful at times (I'm not counting the two week fling I had with a classmate when I was 12, I barely talked to him and it was embarrassing for both of us). I mean, I don't know really what I'm missing, so its mostly fine. My parents are not encouraging or pressuring me to find someone (quite the opposite I find sometimes), but I do know that in some families the kids are regularly asked about when they are going to get a girlfriend/boyfriend. Living under this kind of pressure would be very unpleasant, I'd think, especially if you aren't interested in finding someone.
I personally know a few people who identify as aromantic. You can google that if you want a more detailed explanation, but basically it means that you don't experience romantic attraction to people. No crushes, nothing like that. These people, and they are people, have no interest in relationships like this. It doesn't mean that they can't form meaningful platonic relationships and deep friendships with people, quite the opposite. Just imagine, not ever having a crush on anyone, and yet the whole world has been telling you for your entire life that you have to. That is perfectly normal and to not have a crush means there must be something wrong with you. How often do young adult books end in a platonic friendship? A very large part of songs are centered around love, and often many people view finding someone to spend the rest of your life with as the central goal and meaning of life.
Imagine all that, and then feeling like you're wrong. Like you don't belong. Is there some rule about everyone having to have romantic interest in other people? Can this world really not accept the fact that not all people want to be in relationships, that some people are uncomfortable with that kind of closeness or do not desire it at all. I don't understand why people want to push these kinds of relationships on people who are just not interested.
This is in no way my confession or identification as aromantic. I am still very much open to the possibility of a relationship. Sure, they will have to deal with my anger at mundane things like garbage everywhere and at big things like misogyny, my mood swings and general opinionatedness. Also the fact that I eat CONSTANTLY and loudly. Really, as much as I complain to my friends about being a miserable pissbaby (official nickname) and painfully single, I can manage, like, I'm in no real hurry, (close friends may disagree with this, I
I definitely do feel a mix of jealousy and disgust at couples openly licking each others faces off in public. Like, gosh, do you have to be so, OBVIOUS. Also, hand holding especially in the winter season. Stop being happy around me I'm trying to pretend I'm "happy and single".
No but really, don't feel pressured to do anything concerning relationships. Go with your own pace, and if you don't want one at all then good for you, you have more time to invest in platonic relationships and hobbies and things that will last longer. And you won't be stuck with stupid icky feelings and ugly breakups.
Its quite funny, I am aware, that I of all people am writing this blog post. I do hope you learned something though, probably not about relationships but maybe about aromanticism. I hope my bitter "alone for the rest of my life" vibe didn't seep in too much.
-Becks
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