on scary futures
My dad asked me the other week what are some things I fear. My answer contained a lot of things, but one main one, that had also been a source of anxiety for both of my parents, was my future. I'm 18, doing my last year in high school and I need to be applying for universities soon. Like, by the 15th of January soon.
I know my talents. At least I think I do. I can talk, write, make (sometimes) funny youtube videos, sew questionable costumes for conventions concerning popular culture, be loud and annoying. The list goes on. The problem here is, that I don't know which talents to pursue. My father has told me that he believes my talents lie in communications, that sewing and costume producing isn't really my best choice. A part of me wants to believe him, and a part of me questions how he knows me better than I know myself. Is that even possible?
My current choices for universities have one thing in common. They are all outside of Finland. To me, the worst case scenario would be that I would not get into anywhere, have to stay in Finland and live with my family. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. But, I really want to try my wings in the real world. The shock of going into a 1150-student high school from a 130 student school was amazing to me, and it opened my eyes to a lot of things. I'm looking forward to that on an even bigger scale.
What do I want to study? I ask myself that every day, and its something my parents ask me all the time, especially when they're searching for universities for me to apply to on their iPads while I drink tea in the kitchen and babble about having to take student loans. My answer to them has been fairly simple. I want to study gender. Some universities list this as "women's studies", which sounds very pretentious I am aware. In other places it is called "gender studies" and even "feminist studies". All these are basically the same thing, I've been informed. All I know is that it interests me a lot. How gender and sexuality are made up, culturally, through religion and society and history. The problem is that I do not know how that will get me a job. So I've started considering journalism as a minor. I could get a job at a magazine or internet publication that could be basically me expressing my opinion, or the opinion of the company (hopefully not too much different from my view) and get paid for that. For writing. To me that seems like a really interesting option.
My other option has been costume production. There is a line of study called Performance Costume in Scotland that seems incredibly interesting to me, as I have wanted to be part of the entertainment business for a long long time, and I already have some practical experience in sewing costumes and making props. I'm not saying I'm talented, or that my costumes are any good when viewed in good lighting and from close up. But I am saying I'm interested. Working with actors and directors and producers to bring an authentic look to a movie or a TV-show is something that would surely be very rewarding in many ways. I like the idea of going thrift shopping and hunting for one special detail from a million stores to bring together a look that could become legendary. I like art and I like visuals, and this would be a path where I could contribute to the art of costuming in my own way.
My only fears for both of these, and indeed for my entire existence, is that I'm not good enough. I'm not meticulous enough to really pay attention to the details of a specific outfit. I'm not eloquent enough in my words to coherently present an idea. I'm not good enough for any of the options I want to try.
If I thought like this all the time I wouldn't even be looking for universities. But I hold in my tiny scrawny frankly quite pathetic heart the hope that the idea of studying something is to get better at it. I'm not applying to costume production or gender studies and journalism because I'm already really good at it. I'm applying because I want to learn.
I've had to face reality in the past six months, because before that I figured I could get in where I wanted and it would not cost me too much money and everything would go like in a movie. Nope. My dream was studying Media and Communications with a major in Gender Studies in the University of Sydney, Australia. Then I saw that dream cost 35,000 Australian dollars a year. I needed 36 points to get in. I'm getting about 31 if I'm lucky. Giving up that dream and being realistic was not fun. But now, I'm actually getting quite excited about looking at Scotland and Canada.
Don't be afraid to change your mind when it comes to universities. I've been called fickle and made fun of by my family because "Rebecca is the one that has a new dream job every week". If changing your mind a lot brings you to a conclusion you're gonna stick with, its fine. I don't think the fields I want to study are going to change a lot anymore, I think I've arrived at a point where my dreams and realism meet quite nicely. I hope you can find that too, if you're wondering about your future at all (if you are a young person, then you definitely are).
-Becks
I know my talents. At least I think I do. I can talk, write, make (sometimes) funny youtube videos, sew questionable costumes for conventions concerning popular culture, be loud and annoying. The list goes on. The problem here is, that I don't know which talents to pursue. My father has told me that he believes my talents lie in communications, that sewing and costume producing isn't really my best choice. A part of me wants to believe him, and a part of me questions how he knows me better than I know myself. Is that even possible?
My current choices for universities have one thing in common. They are all outside of Finland. To me, the worst case scenario would be that I would not get into anywhere, have to stay in Finland and live with my family. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. But, I really want to try my wings in the real world. The shock of going into a 1150-student high school from a 130 student school was amazing to me, and it opened my eyes to a lot of things. I'm looking forward to that on an even bigger scale.
What do I want to study? I ask myself that every day, and its something my parents ask me all the time, especially when they're searching for universities for me to apply to on their iPads while I drink tea in the kitchen and babble about having to take student loans. My answer to them has been fairly simple. I want to study gender. Some universities list this as "women's studies", which sounds very pretentious I am aware. In other places it is called "gender studies" and even "feminist studies". All these are basically the same thing, I've been informed. All I know is that it interests me a lot. How gender and sexuality are made up, culturally, through religion and society and history. The problem is that I do not know how that will get me a job. So I've started considering journalism as a minor. I could get a job at a magazine or internet publication that could be basically me expressing my opinion, or the opinion of the company (hopefully not too much different from my view) and get paid for that. For writing. To me that seems like a really interesting option.
My other option has been costume production. There is a line of study called Performance Costume in Scotland that seems incredibly interesting to me, as I have wanted to be part of the entertainment business for a long long time, and I already have some practical experience in sewing costumes and making props. I'm not saying I'm talented, or that my costumes are any good when viewed in good lighting and from close up. But I am saying I'm interested. Working with actors and directors and producers to bring an authentic look to a movie or a TV-show is something that would surely be very rewarding in many ways. I like the idea of going thrift shopping and hunting for one special detail from a million stores to bring together a look that could become legendary. I like art and I like visuals, and this would be a path where I could contribute to the art of costuming in my own way.
My only fears for both of these, and indeed for my entire existence, is that I'm not good enough. I'm not meticulous enough to really pay attention to the details of a specific outfit. I'm not eloquent enough in my words to coherently present an idea. I'm not good enough for any of the options I want to try.
If I thought like this all the time I wouldn't even be looking for universities. But I hold in my tiny scrawny frankly quite pathetic heart the hope that the idea of studying something is to get better at it. I'm not applying to costume production or gender studies and journalism because I'm already really good at it. I'm applying because I want to learn.
I've had to face reality in the past six months, because before that I figured I could get in where I wanted and it would not cost me too much money and everything would go like in a movie. Nope. My dream was studying Media and Communications with a major in Gender Studies in the University of Sydney, Australia. Then I saw that dream cost 35,000 Australian dollars a year. I needed 36 points to get in. I'm getting about 31 if I'm lucky. Giving up that dream and being realistic was not fun. But now, I'm actually getting quite excited about looking at Scotland and Canada.
Don't be afraid to change your mind when it comes to universities. I've been called fickle and made fun of by my family because "Rebecca is the one that has a new dream job every week". If changing your mind a lot brings you to a conclusion you're gonna stick with, its fine. I don't think the fields I want to study are going to change a lot anymore, I think I've arrived at a point where my dreams and realism meet quite nicely. I hope you can find that too, if you're wondering about your future at all (if you are a young person, then you definitely are).
-Becks
Hey!
ReplyDeleteIn case you don't get into university on your first try, don't worry too much about being stuck in Finland. You can go do volunteer work abroad through various organisations and websites such as www.helpx.net which my friend used and is currently working in a hostel in Scotland. It's a great way to experience the world before applying to university again.
P.S. You write in a way that's effortless and nice to read, I wish I could write as well as you!
Hi! Thank you so much for informing me about this, I'll definitely look into it (work experience is never bad either :D) oh and I'm glad you enjoy reading my writing, to me it always seems clustered but I'm happy you find it effortless! :D
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