Always angry
There are often times where some website or person asks me what my favorite quote is. I tend to go with something by Vonnegut, mostly because his stuff is hilariously satirical. Or then I go with something funny, like a quote on running by the comedian Miranda Hart. But really, the quote that I feel most describes me is what Bruce Banner says in the Avengers right before turning into the Hulk: "That's my secret, I'm always angry". Then he turns into a giant green rage monster and beats up the bad guys.
Moving on, I decided to write about things I'm angry about. There is no happy ending, no silver lining, no "be positive" at the center of this post. Nope. Just about me and my anger. Maybe some self-reflection, but when is there not, right?
I've heard that being angry makes you more angry, leaving you in a state of constant and perpetual anger. So lets start with the smaller things.
I'm angry at the snow outside. I don't give a shit about how many people wanted a white Christmas. I am no longer 10 years old so the only positive of snow, building things, has vanished. I only have to shovel it, walk in it, and try to bike over mounds of it melting and freezing into ice under the wheels of my bicycle.
I'm angry at the usual bigots/homophobes/transphobes/misogynists/racists combo. I don't need to explain why, I just think being inconsiderate and shoving your opinions down my throat is not so nice. Also equality is a thing, and people who are against that go on my "spit in their tea" list.
I'm angry at adults who think that just because I'm a teenager I must not be sure of my opinions. I am very sure of what I think, and yes, that might change, but it doesn't mean you can stop taking me seriously until I "grow up" and conform to your ideals. I hate being looked down on, and since I'm short, that happens all the time in real life so I'd rather it not happen on an intellectual level.
I'm angry at how I let myself get hurt by other people. I'm angry at how I fall for the same thing every time I never learn not to let down my shields and I always end up alone and sad. Also angry at the people who do these things to me, obviously.
I'm angry at people who piss on my parade. For example people who were really negative about the new Hobbit film. I know, petty. Really my anger isn't that strong towards these folks, I mostly just want to grab them from the collar of their shirt and ask them if they hate fun. Relating to this, I'm angry at people who don't realize book-to-movie adaptations are two separate versions and visions of the same source material. Get over it. (Yeah I hated Eragon, it was atrocious, but I consider the movie and book two separate entities)
I'm angry at people who don't realize that everything they have said to me affects me, and how I think about myself. I'm a small person. You calling me scrawny takes away every positive thing I ever saw about being small.
I'm angry at people who are happy all the time. It pisses me off to no end when someone finds a goddamn sliver lining to every single thing. Please, try to tone down the chipper for once in your life so I can feel like I'm not the only one who feels like shit sometimes.
I'm angry at how my anger towards other girls most often comes from jealousy. I'm angry how I'm not supposed to see my value in how much guys like me but I still feel bad when tall pretty girls get more attention from the guy I like than me. I like having short hair and dressing how I want, its the way for me to look the best I can. I'm just angry that it means all male attention will shift to the prettier girls as soon as they appear.
I'm angry at people who try to make me conform to their ideals of femininity. I can be as masculine as I want, thank you very much. I'm capable of making my own decisions on my appearance and otherwise, so you telling me I should wear a dress to my graduation sounds an awful lot like trying to fit me into a mold.
I'm angry that I'm not getting enough points from my degree or have enough money to go to my dream university. I'm angry that I feel like going to my third choice is settling for something less than what I want.
I'm angry at people who look at me and think I'm easy to figure out. They see a pseudo-intellectual feminist white girl who thinks she's so special by writing her blog and they think I'm a hypocrite and a fake. I hate that sometimes I believe this.
I'm angry at people who think that just because gay marriage is going to be allowed in Finland that suddenly people will want to marry their dogs. Insinuating so is offensive and its comparing gay people to dogs, and really it just makes you an asshole.
I'm also angry when people overcook pasta. I mean come on, I'd like to eat something resembling macaroni not mulch.
On that note, I have some smaller things. I get angry when people roll their eyes when I say I enjoy One Direction. I'm angry at the millions of genre-names out there. Progressive nu-metal hipster rock indie slavic folk. Great. I still don't like it.
I'm also angry at early mornings, bad tea, loud screaming girls in the hallways of my school, and people who think rape jokes are funny. Also old white men who think its their business to decide what girls wear/do with their bodies. Oh, and I'm angry at Zayn Malik for growing out his hair. He went from "11/10 HELL YES" to "7/10 honey thats not your best".
Really this is the epitome of vague-blogging. Its a "spot yourself" map of things that people do that anger me and I don't care if you identify yourself. Its also me laying bare a lot of my insecurities. I distract myself from them by being angry at the causes.
I don't know if I should try to not be angry. I feel like a lot of my anger is righteous anger. If I'm not angry at it, no one will be, and then that person will not know that what they are doing is angering. Right? Frankly I quite enjoy being here in this spiral of anger. I'm kind of like Bruce Banner. I can be normal, nice, hold a decent conversation. But there is always a pot of anger simmering that sometimes boils over. And I enjoy when it does.
We all know this was going to end like this, in the good old "I'm really angry at myself and that's why I project it on everyone else"-line. Yeah, thats true too. But there are some things you just can't blame on yourself. You've gotta look at the situation and realize that the other person is just plainly being an asshole, and that your own issues have nothing to do with the rude way they are acting.
If you got this far I'm not angry at you,
Becks
Moving on, I decided to write about things I'm angry about. There is no happy ending, no silver lining, no "be positive" at the center of this post. Nope. Just about me and my anger. Maybe some self-reflection, but when is there not, right?
I've heard that being angry makes you more angry, leaving you in a state of constant and perpetual anger. So lets start with the smaller things.
I'm angry at the snow outside. I don't give a shit about how many people wanted a white Christmas. I am no longer 10 years old so the only positive of snow, building things, has vanished. I only have to shovel it, walk in it, and try to bike over mounds of it melting and freezing into ice under the wheels of my bicycle.
I'm angry at the usual bigots/homophobes/transphobes/misogynists/racists combo. I don't need to explain why, I just think being inconsiderate and shoving your opinions down my throat is not so nice. Also equality is a thing, and people who are against that go on my "spit in their tea" list.
I'm angry at adults who think that just because I'm a teenager I must not be sure of my opinions. I am very sure of what I think, and yes, that might change, but it doesn't mean you can stop taking me seriously until I "grow up" and conform to your ideals. I hate being looked down on, and since I'm short, that happens all the time in real life so I'd rather it not happen on an intellectual level.
I'm angry at how I let myself get hurt by other people. I'm angry at how I fall for the same thing every time I never learn not to let down my shields and I always end up alone and sad. Also angry at the people who do these things to me, obviously.
I'm angry at people who piss on my parade. For example people who were really negative about the new Hobbit film. I know, petty. Really my anger isn't that strong towards these folks, I mostly just want to grab them from the collar of their shirt and ask them if they hate fun. Relating to this, I'm angry at people who don't realize book-to-movie adaptations are two separate versions and visions of the same source material. Get over it. (Yeah I hated Eragon, it was atrocious, but I consider the movie and book two separate entities)
I'm angry at people who don't realize that everything they have said to me affects me, and how I think about myself. I'm a small person. You calling me scrawny takes away every positive thing I ever saw about being small.
I'm angry at people who are happy all the time. It pisses me off to no end when someone finds a goddamn sliver lining to every single thing. Please, try to tone down the chipper for once in your life so I can feel like I'm not the only one who feels like shit sometimes.
I'm angry at how my anger towards other girls most often comes from jealousy. I'm angry how I'm not supposed to see my value in how much guys like me but I still feel bad when tall pretty girls get more attention from the guy I like than me. I like having short hair and dressing how I want, its the way for me to look the best I can. I'm just angry that it means all male attention will shift to the prettier girls as soon as they appear.
I'm angry at people who try to make me conform to their ideals of femininity. I can be as masculine as I want, thank you very much. I'm capable of making my own decisions on my appearance and otherwise, so you telling me I should wear a dress to my graduation sounds an awful lot like trying to fit me into a mold.
I'm angry that I'm not getting enough points from my degree or have enough money to go to my dream university. I'm angry that I feel like going to my third choice is settling for something less than what I want.
I'm angry at people who look at me and think I'm easy to figure out. They see a pseudo-intellectual feminist white girl who thinks she's so special by writing her blog and they think I'm a hypocrite and a fake. I hate that sometimes I believe this.
I'm angry at people who think that just because gay marriage is going to be allowed in Finland that suddenly people will want to marry their dogs. Insinuating so is offensive and its comparing gay people to dogs, and really it just makes you an asshole.
I'm also angry when people overcook pasta. I mean come on, I'd like to eat something resembling macaroni not mulch.
On that note, I have some smaller things. I get angry when people roll their eyes when I say I enjoy One Direction. I'm angry at the millions of genre-names out there. Progressive nu-metal hipster rock indie slavic folk. Great. I still don't like it.
I'm also angry at early mornings, bad tea, loud screaming girls in the hallways of my school, and people who think rape jokes are funny. Also old white men who think its their business to decide what girls wear/do with their bodies. Oh, and I'm angry at Zayn Malik for growing out his hair. He went from "11/10 HELL YES" to "7/10 honey thats not your best".
Really this is the epitome of vague-blogging. Its a "spot yourself" map of things that people do that anger me and I don't care if you identify yourself. Its also me laying bare a lot of my insecurities. I distract myself from them by being angry at the causes.
I don't know if I should try to not be angry. I feel like a lot of my anger is righteous anger. If I'm not angry at it, no one will be, and then that person will not know that what they are doing is angering. Right? Frankly I quite enjoy being here in this spiral of anger. I'm kind of like Bruce Banner. I can be normal, nice, hold a decent conversation. But there is always a pot of anger simmering that sometimes boils over. And I enjoy when it does.
We all know this was going to end like this, in the good old "I'm really angry at myself and that's why I project it on everyone else"-line. Yeah, thats true too. But there are some things you just can't blame on yourself. You've gotta look at the situation and realize that the other person is just plainly being an asshole, and that your own issues have nothing to do with the rude way they are acting.
If you got this far I'm not angry at you,
Becks
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