Physical intimacy
Y'all 12-year olds are probably giggling at the word intimacy but really it just means closeness so hah joke's on you this post isn't about sex.
Something I've noticed in myself recently (or like, in the last year or so) is that I've very much begun liking to be close to people. This depends HIGHLY on the person and my level of comfort (in a physical sense) with them, but still, I've noticed I really enjoy being close. Even if I'm otherwise really close to you, I might not be fully comfortable hugging and being otherwise close to you and that does not make our friendship any less worthy, it just has a lot to do with my personal comfort and feelings. I rarely hug my best friend and we're still incredibly close on other levels so its not like physical closeness is the only way to have a meaningful friendship or relationship with someone.
Anyway, I'm all for casual closeness. Like, if we're sitting on the couch together, I like to be either right beside you so our thighs touch or then with loads of personal space. In this matter too I am like the waves I guess, changing etc.
I wasn't much of a hugger when I was in school before high school, but now that I'm in my third year of high school I've discovered how good a hug can feel. If hugs lasted for 10 minutes I wouldn't mind, they make me feel very happy and safe.
Not nearly everyone has this same love of casual physical touch, I am aware. To me it just seems so much more sincere if someone tells me something and casually touches my shoulder. It is very odd how much this recharges me, like a good hug can make me happy for days. Its not like my family haven't been good to me, they have. My sisters are usually annoyed at how I don't like it when they hug me, but recently I've been better about it. I hug my mom a lot too.
Let me explain you a thing about a good hug. To me a good hug needs a few things. Firstly your height difference has to be acceptable (not too much) because otherwise it will end up as a "now my face is mushed into your chest" hug that isn't really good for breathing. At least for me. Obviously if you're gentle about it then it will be fine, but I personally like it when I can lift my chin over your shoulder or a bit under it (keep in mind I'm 160cm so I'm not that tall). Also the order of whose hands are under and whose are over. If you're taller than me and you hug me by putting your hands under my armpits that isn't going to work because I'm going to have to stand up way on my tiptoes. I get to put my hands under your armpits because I'm shorter. Thats my rule. Lastly, it has to be a moving hug. Like, I used to sway from side to side like a penguin. Nowadays I like to trace the bumps on someone's back, or otherwise pet them (that sounds weird but you know, kinda like you'd pet a cat). If you don't fill these qualities its fine but these are the qualities that make a hug for me!
If it was possible to have platonic hugging and cuddling up on the sofa relationships without there being a lot of messy feelings and stuff, I would be all for that. Maybe I still kind of believe in that possibility. My comfort levels reach about there, and its annoying that if you do that with a person of the opposite sex its immediately perceived as one of you "most likely" wanting something more and the platonic part isn't believable to them. There are people who feel like guys have these uncontrollable urges that they want to have sex with every girl they get close to and then these girls will feel so pressured that they'll give in to these guys. Please get your head out of your ass and trust your sons and your brothers please. (Also trust your daughters to make their own decisions and having control of their own bodies, I'm 19 years old I think I can make sure I won't "accidentally" sleep with someone at a party).
If I was a guy I'd be insulted with the way people talked about me and my urges. Someone compared a woman walking on the street naked to a piece of meat and said that if you saw that woman on the street you as a man wouldn't be able to control yourself, just like a shark wouldn't if you gave it meat.
Excuse me.
Your argument is stupid. Men are able to control themselves because they are capable of thought. Its this kind of thinking that leads to the victim shaming we're all sick of. "But she was wearing a short skirt and practically asking for it with that low cut top these boys had such a bright future ahead of them" WELL THEN THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE RAPED HER.
I'd really like it if parents started trusting their kids, their daughters AND their sons to do the right thing. And if society could stop forcing every platonic girl/boy friendship into either the "you probably like each other" mold or the "she's probably friendzoned you" mold. Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it can't exist.
Yes, it may seem I am being very utopian in saying platonic girl/boy friendships that are physically close can exist, but its possible I know. I guess its never really believable until you're in one? I don't know if this post made sense to anyone, or if the main point you got was that I really like a good hug, but either way thanks for reading!
-Becks
Something I've noticed in myself recently (or like, in the last year or so) is that I've very much begun liking to be close to people. This depends HIGHLY on the person and my level of comfort (in a physical sense) with them, but still, I've noticed I really enjoy being close. Even if I'm otherwise really close to you, I might not be fully comfortable hugging and being otherwise close to you and that does not make our friendship any less worthy, it just has a lot to do with my personal comfort and feelings. I rarely hug my best friend and we're still incredibly close on other levels so its not like physical closeness is the only way to have a meaningful friendship or relationship with someone.
Anyway, I'm all for casual closeness. Like, if we're sitting on the couch together, I like to be either right beside you so our thighs touch or then with loads of personal space. In this matter too I am like the waves I guess, changing etc.
I wasn't much of a hugger when I was in school before high school, but now that I'm in my third year of high school I've discovered how good a hug can feel. If hugs lasted for 10 minutes I wouldn't mind, they make me feel very happy and safe.
Not nearly everyone has this same love of casual physical touch, I am aware. To me it just seems so much more sincere if someone tells me something and casually touches my shoulder. It is very odd how much this recharges me, like a good hug can make me happy for days. Its not like my family haven't been good to me, they have. My sisters are usually annoyed at how I don't like it when they hug me, but recently I've been better about it. I hug my mom a lot too.
Let me explain you a thing about a good hug. To me a good hug needs a few things. Firstly your height difference has to be acceptable (not too much) because otherwise it will end up as a "now my face is mushed into your chest" hug that isn't really good for breathing. At least for me. Obviously if you're gentle about it then it will be fine, but I personally like it when I can lift my chin over your shoulder or a bit under it (keep in mind I'm 160cm so I'm not that tall). Also the order of whose hands are under and whose are over. If you're taller than me and you hug me by putting your hands under my armpits that isn't going to work because I'm going to have to stand up way on my tiptoes. I get to put my hands under your armpits because I'm shorter. Thats my rule. Lastly, it has to be a moving hug. Like, I used to sway from side to side like a penguin. Nowadays I like to trace the bumps on someone's back, or otherwise pet them (that sounds weird but you know, kinda like you'd pet a cat). If you don't fill these qualities its fine but these are the qualities that make a hug for me!
If it was possible to have platonic hugging and cuddling up on the sofa relationships without there being a lot of messy feelings and stuff, I would be all for that. Maybe I still kind of believe in that possibility. My comfort levels reach about there, and its annoying that if you do that with a person of the opposite sex its immediately perceived as one of you "most likely" wanting something more and the platonic part isn't believable to them. There are people who feel like guys have these uncontrollable urges that they want to have sex with every girl they get close to and then these girls will feel so pressured that they'll give in to these guys. Please get your head out of your ass and trust your sons and your brothers please. (Also trust your daughters to make their own decisions and having control of their own bodies, I'm 19 years old I think I can make sure I won't "accidentally" sleep with someone at a party).
If I was a guy I'd be insulted with the way people talked about me and my urges. Someone compared a woman walking on the street naked to a piece of meat and said that if you saw that woman on the street you as a man wouldn't be able to control yourself, just like a shark wouldn't if you gave it meat.
Excuse me.
Your argument is stupid. Men are able to control themselves because they are capable of thought. Its this kind of thinking that leads to the victim shaming we're all sick of. "But she was wearing a short skirt and practically asking for it with that low cut top these boys had such a bright future ahead of them" WELL THEN THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE RAPED HER.
I'd really like it if parents started trusting their kids, their daughters AND their sons to do the right thing. And if society could stop forcing every platonic girl/boy friendship into either the "you probably like each other" mold or the "she's probably friendzoned you" mold. Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it can't exist.
Yes, it may seem I am being very utopian in saying platonic girl/boy friendships that are physically close can exist, but its possible I know. I guess its never really believable until you're in one? I don't know if this post made sense to anyone, or if the main point you got was that I really like a good hug, but either way thanks for reading!
-Becks
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