sometimes quiet is violent

I think it's in Easy A, where the main character Olive talks about how it's funny that in movies the material you're studying in school always seems to have some relationship or meaning in the struggles you're currently going through. I guess I could say something similar to my own life, though it isn't material in school, rather just a book I'm reading on my own. The last month or so has been really tough on me, mentally speaking. I'm not going to go into the gory details as that would be over sharing and would possibly lead to me never being able to look anyone in the eye ever again. But, this tough time has made me feel a whole bunch of feelings, mostly in the negatives. Now, however, after the biggest storm has passed, I'm left feeling very apathetic. You know the kind of apathy that permeates your whole life, where things you were previously interested in just don't seem that great anymore, and you don't feel like putting in effort to se...

Before I start on this seemingly bitter and cynical rant about love and soul mates I need you to understand that I am not, in fact, either of those. Well, not completely. Hell, I'm 20-years old, barely dipping my feet in the pond of actual life, who am I to talk about love with any kind of authority whatsoever? So let it be known that I'm writing this post merely from the point of view of a young woman who has grown up in modern society, drank in the discourse surrounding love and relationships, and as someone who has never been in love. There's a specific set of ideologies and thoughts surrounding the idea of soul mates. Usually these revolve around there being one soul, or person, out there for you, and that you are meant to be together, and that cosmic forces have determined this. Take for example the story Plato tells, where Zeus in his anger split up us humans into two pieces, condemning us to spend our lives searching for that other half that would complete us (usef...

It's one of those times when I feel like words can't fully describe what I'm feeling. A bit less than a week until I fly back to Scotland for my second year of university, and my feelings are all over the place. I don't know what I expected when I left in May and said goodbye to the people who had been by my side for the past year. Certainly not this amount of pure need to hear someone's laugh or see the way their eyes crinkle when they smile, or how they look sitting at the breakfast table eating cookies. I naively didn't think it would be this hard to be apart from my friends for the summer holiday, but almost my entire time at home has been shadowed by a growing longing to see everyone again and spend time in their company. Not to say I haven't enjoyed my time here with my friends and family, but I can't shut out the other part of my life, no matter how hard I try. I'm so optimistic for my second year. We have a beautiful flat and I have the b...

Ever since I was a child, the way I've watched movies is by watching them with my family. This has largely continued up until now, since I am a very bad solo-watcher and can never seem to finish a film or a TV-show if there's no one else with me. When I got to film school everyone kept talking about classics and mentioning movies I knew I should've seen but I hadn't. So now I have a list on my phone of what movies I need to see eventually, and I'm trying to work my way through. As a bit of a motivator I've decided to collect my favorites of every month and provide some kind of a review of them in case anyone else is interested in seeing some of them! These films are not necessarily from the list, and might just be something I happened to see or was recommended to me, so do not quote me on the "classics" part! It goes against all of my writers instincts to post something that is essentially me expressing my opinion on a film, because I still find it ...

This summer feels very insignificant. I feel like I'm just floating around, going places and doing things and talking to people but my mind is somewhere completely different. I'm very much between two places and it's off-putting. I've been doing fun stuff, like having picnics and coffee and cooking yummy vegan food and learning the ukulele, but I've also been doing not so fun stuff like fighting and crying and wanting to go back to Scotland sooner than September. I foolishly didn't think that this summer would be that hard. Turns out not seeing the people you're used to seeing everyday kind of messes with your sense of loneliness. Not saying that my friends here back home aren't dear to me too, but having been gone for a year I'm more of a visiting guest now. I know I'll never be able to go back in time and experience the stuff they experienced together without me so I'm happy just going along and experiencing things with them now. That mon...

This post is in no way meant to be some kind of boasting "holier than thou" type thing where I just talk about how good of a person I am for buying my clothes second hand, but rather just a chance for me to share some of my thoughts around this specific issue. It's hard to speak about subjects like this that often make people feel guilty, because it can lead to dislike towards the person who brought the issue up, even though I'm honestly just sharing my thoughts and I don't go around silently judging everyone for shopping in stores. My mother and father have promoted specific values in our family since we were born. I've worn hand-me-down's since I was a little kid (it was free and I've always been rather small, so cousins and friends have gladly given me their old thigns), and we were given pocket money to teach us the value of money and that it is not a never ending fountain but that it can run out. We were taught about the Fairtrade system and we ...

Most of you probably remember when Harry Potter was just starting as a phenomenon for our generation. People were lining up to buy the new book, the movies were still being made and Harry Potter was just absolutely everywhere. I was a part of the group of kids that loved all of it. I inhaled the books and had to painfully wait for the last two, went to see all the films as soon as they came out and made myself a cape, riding around on the broom we used to clean leaves out of our yard. Me and my neighbors came up with a game called Voldemort-tag, but it wasn't a very lasting game as it was easy to just point to someone and say "Avada Kedavra". Anyway, all of this is just to show that I was really very into Harry Potter.  As with my other books, I brought my Harry Potter books to school. I soon realised I might have just been the only child reading this series. I went to a Christian school for 8 of my 9 years in basic education. This meant a lot of things, but ...